So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
