I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
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The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
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Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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