Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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