i just wanna soil my oats bro
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
