Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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