I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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