that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
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The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
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