He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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