btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
where am i from again
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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