dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
