Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
BRING THE BAGELS
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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