I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I pour the whiskey from now on
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
