You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
