My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
