The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
