Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
