He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
then he tried to convert me to islam
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
