So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
