Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
