3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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