Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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