There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
