i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
