Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
