Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
