So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
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ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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