i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
