Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
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you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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