I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
