we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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