Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
