my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
