forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
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