The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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