if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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