Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
