At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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