According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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