I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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