I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
