My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
