Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
