Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
