He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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