Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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