she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
