i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
