My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
