there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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