keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
