Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
