I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize