in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
