Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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