once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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