GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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