It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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