Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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