thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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