Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It's never too late to be topless.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
