They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
