Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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