I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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