dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
