nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
