Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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