Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
