I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
