; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Still dying that you shit outside
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
