May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
