is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
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