God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
