I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
