I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
