I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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