a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Randomize
