Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
