i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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